I am feeling confused at the moment, and even though I am entrusting myself to God's merciful love - I am still struggling. In some ways I feel upset with God for a few different reasons. I have tried so long to do everything I can to prove how much I love Him and want to serve Him, but it never seems to work out. It seems that on every level I have rejected in some way or another by God or the Church. Now I know that God doesn't reject us, especially when we have a humble and contrite heart (psalm 51) but I cannnot deny how I feel. It is a difficult thing to love and serve God when I feel rejected and unloved by Him.
Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD!Psalm 130
O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my pleas for mercy!
If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared.
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
Israel, hope in the LORD!
For with the LORD there is steadfast love,
and with him is plentiful redemption.
And he will redeem Israel
from all his iniquities.
Lord I believe but help my unbelief,
I love you but help me to love you more and more.