Ruminations of an Irascible Hermit.: January 2010

Friday, January 22, 2010

The Gaze

There is a saying that says: When you look out into the abyss it looks back at you.

For many people this is a frightening thought, and gives them feelings of uncertainty and even anxiety. But we know that in the face of the Ultimate Mystery, of God, of Reality and Existence, all of us are searching and longing for Meaning and Love - Truth, Goodness, and Beauty.

In the face of existential anxiety we long for a deeper meaning, we are ultimately looking for Intimacy. This Gaze longs to behold the Face of the Other - the Beloved

Let your Face shine on us O Lord and we shall be saved (psalm 80:3)

There is a beautiful song by Celine Dion that I feel captures this sentiment

Laugh and cry,
live and die
Life is a dream we are dreaming
Day by day I find my way
Look for the soul and the meaning

Then you look at me
And I always see
What I have been searching for
I'm lost as can be
Then you look at me
And I am not lost anymore

People run, sun to sun,
Caught in their lives ever flowing
Once begun, life goes till it's gone
We have to go where it's going

Then you look at me
And I always see
What I have been searching for
I'm lost as can be
Then you look at me
And I am not lost anymore

And you say you see
When you look at me
The reason you love life so
Though lost I have been
I find love again
And life just keeps on running
And life just keeps on running
You look at me and life comes from you

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Please pray for me

It has been a while since I have posted a blog on here. I am going through a difficult time in my life at the moment and ask you to please pray for me. As you know I believe in being authentic, but for a long time I have been struggling to live authentically and be true to myself and to God.

I am feeling confused at the moment, and even though I am entrusting myself to God's merciful love - I am still struggling. In some ways I feel upset with God for a few different reasons. I have tried so long to do everything I can to prove how much I love Him and want to serve Him, but it never seems to work out. It seems that on every level I have rejected in some way or another by God or the Church. Now I know that God doesn't reject us, especially when we have a humble and contrite heart (psalm 51) but I cannnot deny how I feel. It is a difficult thing to love and serve God when I feel rejected and unloved by Him.

Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD!
O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.

Israel, hope in the LORD!
For with the LORD there is steadfast love,
and with him is plentiful redemption.
And he will redeem Israel
from all his iniquities.

Psalm 130

Lord I believe but help my unbelief,
I love you but help me to love you more and more.

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Disclaimer

Please note. I am a Catholic layman, not a qualified theologian or philosopher. What I say and write here are my own personal thoughts and ideas, although I always try to conform my writings to the Magisterium of the Church.

I- with firm faith believe and profess everything that is contained in the symbol of faith: namely,

I believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen. I believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, one in Being with the Father. Through him all things were made. For us men and for our salvation he came down from heaven: By the power of the Holy Spirit, he was born of the Virgin Mary, and became man. For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; he suffered, died and was buried. On the third day he rose again in fulfillment of the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. With the Father and the Son he is worshipped and glorified. He has spoken through the Prophets. I believe in the one holy catholic and apostolic church. I acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. I look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen.

With firm faith I believe as well everything contained in God's word, written or handed down in tradition and proposed by the church--whether in solemn judgment or in the ordinary and universal Magisterium--as divinely revealed and called for faith.

I also firmly accept and hold each and every thing that is proposed by that same church definitively with regard to teaching concerning faith or morals.

What is more, I adhere with religious submission of will and intellect to the teachings which either the Roman pontiff or the college of bishops enunciate when they exercise the authentic Magisterium even if they proclaim those teachings in an act that is not definitive.