Sinner and Theologian

Currently I am reading Christ and Spirituality in St Thomas Aquinas by Jean-Pierre Torrell, OP. In it I found a very though provoking quote that has helped validate me in my current journey so to speak.

As many of you are aware, and as I have mentioned in previous posts, I am a gay catholic who lives a gay lifestyle, yet still adheres to the Catholic faith intellectually. Often I find myself defending the teachings of the Church from people, friends, facebook and even other catholics.

I have a seminarian friend who I knew from before I entered the seminary (obviously I am no longer there, and now he has entered the seminary), we catch up once a year to discuss philosophy, theology, debate current Church politics and so forth. Often I find myself giving him suggested books or authors to read.

This quote by Fr Torrell has helped validate me in a sense, that by helping my seminarian friend and sometimes through this blog, I am a theologian (in the broadest sense of the term) even though to many my faith may be seen as to be dead. Any and every time I teach/discuss with anyone Sacra Doctrina I am fulfilling the role of a theologian and helping to santcify (or bring closer to God) the other person, even though I myself am in a state of sin and therefore I do not have sanctifying grace present in my soul. My state of soul, does not affect the truth that I am conveying

One can practice theology with a dead faith. I ought to remark, however, that this objection does not touch on theology as such, but only on the theologian. We thus pass from what is de jure to what is de facto . The latter might justify all kinds of reservations, but it remains that, de jure, "theology is a pious science"' [Chenu]. Although the loss of charity does not bring about the dissolution of the theological habitus, nevertheless it constitutes a fate as violent as that of  dead faith. The diminished habitus that we designate by this name still allows a person to adhere to supernatural truths, but the absence of charity radically deprives the theologian of his or her ability to cling to these truths in a life giving manner

In cruce latebat sola Deitas,

At hic latet simul et Humanitas,

Ambo tamen credens atque confitens,

Peto quod petivit latro pœnitens.

Plagas, sicut Thomas, non intueor:

Deum tamen meum te confiteor.

Fac me tibi semper magis credere,

In te spem habere, te diligere.

St Thomas Aquinas - pray for me

Why I am still Catholic

Recently I have had some heated discussions with Catholic friends who are rather disappointed in me. As I now live a gay lifestyle, am in a relationship with a guy and seen as living immorally - they cannot understand how I still identify as a Catholic and refuse to renounce my faith.

I found this quote over at the blog Ex Libris Theologicus that I believe helps me to explain my situation. It is from an interview with some guy called Walker Percy. Reading this reminds me of the quote from the letter of St Peter which says that we are redeemed "not with perishable things such as silver or gold,  but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot" (1 Peter 1:18-19)

So in other words, my faith is because of Christ, and for Christ. It is a gift given to me. I may live immorally, but that does not mean I have lost my faith - I just do not live it as I should. By baptism I belong to Christ and no one else. I am still Catholic by the grace of God.

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Walker Percy on his Faith (From Magnificat Magazine)

Q: What kind of Catholic are you?

 A. Bad.

 Q: Are you a dogmatic Catholic or an open-minded Catholic?

 A: I don’t know what that means . . . . Do you mean do I believe the dogma that the Catholic Church proposes for belief?

 Q: Yes.

 A: Yes.

 Q: How is such a belief possible in this day and age?

 A: What else is there?

 Q: What do you mean, what else is there? There is humanism, atheism, agnosticism, Marxism, behaviorism, materialism, Buddhism, Muhammadanism, Sufism, astrology, occultism, theosophy.

 A: That’s what I mean.

 Q: I don’t understand. Would you exclude, for example, scientific humanism as a rational and honorable alternative?

 A: Yes.

 Q: Why?

 A: It’s not good enough.

 Q: Why not?

 A: This life is too much trouble, far too strange, to arrive at the end of it and then to be asked what you make of it and have to answer “Scientific humanism.” That won’t do. A poor show. Life is a mystery, love is a delight. Therefore I take it as axiomatic that one should settle for nothing less than the infinite mystery and the infinite delight, i.e., God. In fact I demand it. I refuse to settle for anything less. I don’t see why anyone should settle for less than Jacob, who actually grabbed aholt of God and would not let go until God identified himself and blessed him.

 Q: Grabbed aholt?

 A: A Louisiana expression.

 Q: But isn’t the Catholic Church in a mess these days, badly split, its liturgy barbarized, vocations declining?

 A: Sure. That’s a sign of its divine origins, that it survives these periodic disasters.

 Q: You don’t act or talk like a Christian. Aren’t they supposed to love one another and do good works?

 A: Yes.

 Q: You don’t seem to have much use for your fellowman or do many good works.

 A: That’s true. I haven’t done a good work in years.

 Q: In fact, if I may be frank, you strike me as being rather negative in your attitude, cold-blooded, aloof, derisive, self-indulgent, more fond of the beautiful things of this world than of God.

 A: That’s true.

 Q: You even seem to take certain satisfaction in the disasters of the twentieth-century and to savor the imminence of world catastrophe rather than world peace, which all religions seek.

 A: That’s true.

 Q: You don’t seem to have much use for your fellow Christians, to say nothing of Ku Kluxers, ACLU’ers, northerners, southerners, fem-libbers, anti-fem-libbers, homosexuals, anti-homosexuals, Republicans, Democrats, hippies, anti-hippies, senior citizens.

 A: That’s true – though taken as individuals they turn out to be more or less like oneself, i.e., sinners, and we get along fine.

 Q: Even Ku Kluxers?

 A: Sure.

 Q: How do you account for your belief?

 A: I can only account for it as a gift from God.

 Q: Why would God make you such a gift when there are others who seem more deserving, that is, serve their fellowman?

 A: I don’t know. God does strange things. . . .

 Q: But shouldn’t one’s faith bear some relation to the truth, facts?

 A: Yes. That’s what attracted me, Christianity’s rather insolent claim to be true, with the implication that other religions are more or less false.

 Q: You believe that?

 A: Of course.

Christ the Builder of Eternity

Currently I am reading Abbot Vonier's book The Life of the World to Come. It is a book on eschatology elaborating on that part of the creed regarding the life of the world to come. Chapter 6 is titled Christ the Builder of Eternity and he has a wonderful theme of this temporary life being a quarry where Christ uses each of us and selects the "Elect"' using the image from the Book of Revelation to build the Heavenly Jerusalem that will be revealed at the end of time:

There is one feature in this immense labor of the Son of God which, if properly envisaged, may become for us the source of great mental peace. It is in keeping with all the canons of orthodoxy in the doctrine of divine grace and predestination to hold that the plan of the heavenly Jerusalem is a thing fixed from the very beginning, with no casual alterations or additions as time goes on. In other words, mankind here on earth is merely the quarry from which are taken the materials for the city of the living God. When the city is completed, any prolongation of mankind's existence here on earth will lose its meaning. The race of men living on this planet is entirely subservient to the needs of the divine Builder of the heavenly Jerusalem as the quarry is subservient to the needs of the edifice that is being erected miles away. When once the building is completed the quarry is closed down.... The heavenly Jerusalem is evidently meant to be a great surprise, something prepared in secret, and shown in its final glory only at the appointed time. The completed city is not said to ascend from earth to heaven, but, on the contrary, it comes down from heaven, where it had been in course of construction, as behind a screen, during the long centuries of Christ's activities.

The Beauty of the Incarnation

Today I was a very angry and frustrated guy. My mum had to go into surgery and hospital for a giant abscess. Christmas lunch with the family was cancelled.
My family is not very close, so Christmas is the ONE time of year that we eat together as a family, and now my parents are separated it is even more special. So you can understand my disappointment.
But I was also angry, very angry with my mum. She does not look after her health, and a part of me was blaming her for ruining my Christmas - which is totally unfair.

So I was feeling very grinch like this Christmas eve. I went for a siesta, hoping to wake up sometime around lunchtime. But I ended up waking up about 8pm, so still had enough time to get ready and get to midnight mass.

Before mass there was carols as well as the rosary, A priest was next door hearing confessions. I have not prayed the rosary in a long time, but it felt good. It felt familiar and something that I had missed.

During the rosary I had an overwhelming desire to be able to have Holy Communion during Mass. But I was not in a state of grace, and had not been to confession in almost 3 years since I have began living a gay lifestyle.

I have spent so much time telling myself that confession is pointless, because I do not plan on changing my lifestyle and therefore do not want to have a sacrilegious confession. But I wanted to receive communion so bad. I was conflicted whether or not to go to confession or not. But I wanted Jesus is Holy Communion, I needed him. A spiritual communion was not enough for what my soul was needing at this point in time.

So I went to confession. I was rather nervous and scared, because it has been a long time. Also it was at a Latin Mass, so the priests often tend to be more serious about sin. I was worried the priest would be harsh, or possibly deny me absolution (I had a bad experience with that years ago from a well meaning but misguided conservative priest).

I knelt at the confessional and started "Forgive me Father it has been about 3 years since my last confession..."
Father replies "Praise God!!"
Well that was not the response I was expecting!! He was so welcoming to me and gentle. I had spent so much time telling myself how I do not deserve God's forgiveness because I am not contrite, or I am not ready to change my lifestyle. But I forgot that like the prodigal son - God is always waiting with outstretched arms, the same arms that were outstretched on the cross.

I explained to the priest that I often felt angry with God and rejected by the church, and this causes me to not try and be pure or frequent the sacraments anymore. Then he told me something very beautiful and powerful: he said that the mystery of the Incarnation means that Christ was born for ME, for each one of us. He said that even if no one else existed but me, Christ would still have been born for me, because he loves me and wants to be with me. He went through the agony on the cross for me, and me specifically. THIS IS THE BEAUTY OF THE INCARNATION. It is something I have always know intellectually, but it never touched my heart.

As father absolved me while I was making my act of contrition, I wanted to cry. God's mercy and forgiveness was so freely given to me, no matter how unworthy I felt. Christ was born for me and died for me. The only person stopping God;s forgiveness, was me.
Father asked me if I was staying for mass, to which I replied YES, I confessed so I could receive communion. Then he said something strange, he told me that my penance would be to receive communion.

I had never heard of that before. But i was so happy I was absolved and I was able to receive communion I did not care.

The irony is, I had been trying to punish myself by denying myself God's grace, God's forgiveness - I had been denying myself Jesus. Yet my penance was to receive Jesus in Holy Communion. My symbolic act of penance to finalise being in a state of Grace, was actually the very thing that would give me Sanctifying Grace - Jesus born for us and substantially present in the Eucharist.

When I had communion I got this lovely visual image in my head. As the host dissolved on my tongue, and I meditated on Jesus now physically present and united to me. I got an image of the infant Jesus, making his home, asleep and bundled within my heart. Similar to the image of St Gertrude with Jesus in her heart. The Beauty and the Mystery of the Incarnation - the Word made flesh, so that our flesh could become one with His and have Divine life. Or as St Athanasius said "God became man, so that man might become God"'

Praise God. I wish you all a very happy, safe, and blessed Christmas no matter who you are or where you are.

IT has been a long time since I have updated this blog.

It is one of those things that is always in the back of my mind, but I never get around to updating it. Too lazy - physically and spiritually.

I was planning to update it when my beloved Pope Benedict XVI abdicated and renounced the See of Peter. I remember I was catching up with a seminarian friend when I heard he had announced his resignation. I was in shock, I felt orphaned. Here was a man who I loved and admired a LOT. I felt he was restoring the Church slowly, and bringing back Orthodoxy and the beauty of worship in Liturgy.

My friend and I prayed a rosary for him and trusted in the Holy Spirit. But it was hard. I could not think of any Cardinals who were worthy enough, intellectual enough, orthodox enough to replace him.

Then out of no where came Pope Francis. I was in shock and very reserved, because he was a Jesuit, and I am not very fond of them lol.
There was so much talk of his so called "humility"' and the media was instantly in love with him.

This put me off him a lot. It felt like within a week, he was undoing what had taken Pope Benedict 8 years to restore. But slowly over time I am getting used to him. I am beginning to love him and respect him more, although sometimes I will admit he still makes me cringe.

One day I was thinking about Pope Benedict's legacy, and then it hit me. If I love and admire him so much - then I have to accept Pope Francis. If Pope Benedict had not stepped down, then Pope Francis would not have been elected. So in that regard it has helped me to be more open and positive towards him.

Although there are many things I am still wary of about him. He still is doing a lot of good in the Church. Helping restore the public image. Also I believe his request for prayer & fasting for Syria is a great grace.

Recently I have moved into a semi rural area, and I live close to a large shrine to Our Lady. So I went there today and prayed a Rosary for peace in Syria, for Pope Francis' intentions and also for Pope Benedict.

I will admit that I very rarely pray now. I only go to mass for Christmas and Easter. My prayer life is usually grace when I eat, then a Hail Mary everytime I drive past Our Lady's shine - and that is about it.

I had my first relationship recently for about 5 months. I loved it. It was so nice to finally have someone to love and care for, and have them love me back. Unfortunately the guy I was dating was not ready for a serious relationship and broke up with me. It hurt me a lot and made me realise a lot about myself. But at least now, I am beginning to make some more time for prayer again and starting to read again.

Currently I am reading a book on Eschatology by Matthew Levering. It is very well written, and deals with many issues not often discussed in modern theology anymore.

Anyway, this is my little update done for now. Hopefully it won't take me another year to update it again. Keep me in your prayers.

Technical Difficulties

As you can see, this blog is currently having technical difficulties in regards to the layout. I am unsure as to what I have done wrong and therefore do not know how to correct it LOL. Please be patient with me as I am not very technologically proficient. When I go to edit my blog it shows the layout in correct order, but as you can see all of the about me section and pics of the saints that used to be on the right hand side bar have now moved to the bottom of the page.

I will try to fix this as soon as possible.

Benedict the Magnificent - Pope of Christian Unity

After the charismatic Pontificate of Blessed John Paul II, I am sure that many people find Pope Benedict to be boring or even somewhat mediocre. However I wish to argue the opposite. I am convinced that Pope Benedict will go down in history as one of the best Popes in history. One day he will be Benedict the Magnificent, God willing.

A lot of what Pope Benedict has done and is doing for the Church may not be so evident yet, but in years to come we will see the results of his ministry. Not only has he brought about the "New Liturgical Movement" through his personal example, but also significantly through his Motu Proprio which officially states that the liturgy prior to Pope Paul VI has never been abrogated. This then in turn has helped refocus The Second Vatican Council in terms of Tradition and a "hermeneutic of continuity" as opposed to the popular and often heretical notion of the "Spirit of Vatican II".

Pope Benedict styled himself in his inauguration homily as a "humble worker in the vineyard of the Lord", and that is exactly what he is - HUMBLE. His personality is very quiet, timid almost and academic. Yet when you read his homilies and writings you get a sense of an amazing intellect which bursts forth with simple faith and theological clarity. He will go down in history for his CATECHESIS which is all too often neglected or politicised at the moment.

I remember reading once that Father Zuhlsdorf called Pope Benedict the "Pope of Christian Unity" due to his efforts in promoting Christian Unity - specifically in regards to bringing the Anglicans back and the discussions with the SSPX. It could also be mentioned his easing the tensions in China between the official and underground Churches there as well. Currently all of this may not seem so significant at the moment, however in years to come I believe we will see great fruits from all of these initiatives. As the Pope himself expressed in his Letter to the Bishops regarding the lifting of the excommunications to the Bishops of the SSPX:

I believe that I set forth clearly the priorities of my pontificate in the addresses which I gave at its beginning. Everything that I said then continues unchanged as my plan of action. The first priority for the Successor of Peter was laid down by the Lord in the Upper Room in the clearest of terms: "You… strengthen your brothers" (Lk 22:32). Peter himself formulated this priority anew in his first Letter: "Always be prepared to make a defence to anyone who calls you to account for the hope that is in you" (1 Pet 3:15). In our days, when in vast areas of the world the faith is in danger of dying out like a flame which no longer has fuel, the overriding priority is to make God present in this world and to show men and women the way to God. Not just any god, but the God who spoke on Sinai; to that God whose face we recognize in a love which presses "to the end" (cf. Jn 13:1) – in Jesus Christ, crucified and risen. The real problem at this moment of our history is that God is disappearing from the human horizon, and, with the dimming of the light which comes from God, humanity is losing its bearings, with increasingly evident destructive effects.

Leading men and women to God, to the God who speaks in the Bible: this is the supreme and fundamental priority of the Church and of the Successor of Peter at the present time. A logical consequence of this is that we must have at heart the unity of all believers. Their disunity, their disagreement among themselves, calls into question the credibility of their talk of God. Hence the effort to promote a common witness by Christians to their faith – ecumenism – is part of the supreme priority. Added to this is the need for all those who believe in God to join in seeking peace, to attempt to draw closer to one another, and to journey together, even with their differing images of God, towards the source of Light – this is interreligious dialogue. Whoever proclaims that God is Love "to the end" has to bear witness to love: in loving devotion to the suffering, in the rejection of hatred and enmity – this is the social dimension of the Christian faith, of which I spoke in the Encyclical Deus Caritas Est.

As we can see from this that the Pope links Christian unity to evangelisation and witness to the truth of God revealed in Jesus Christ. However it must be noted that in order to do this that there must be clarity of doctrine, this is where his Catechesis comes into play. Bl John Paul II is famous for his "Theology of the Body", however hardly anyone has drawn attention to Pope Benedict's Wednesday Catechesis which has been a systematic exposition of the Church's faith through history - starting with the Apostles, Church Fathers, Doctors of the Church, Medieval Mystics and so forth. He is showing that our understanding of the Faith must be linked back through Tradition, with the Communion of Saints. If we are not united with them in a common faith, then we are not in the Church. This is one of the biggest dangers of the Church in the present time - divorcing itself from history, from its origins and self creating itself in its own "image and likeness" in the modern day context, so that no longer is it the "Ekklesia" the community of believers set apart and called by God to be the "salt of the earth", but instead it becomes a modern say corporation with no soul.

So I invite all of you to pray for our timid and humble Pope, because he needs our prayers. Pray that he may be faithful in his ministry as the succesor of St Peter, pray that he may be the Rock that the Church needs inspite of all the internal politics of Bishops and Priests who sometimes publicly oppose, attack and ridicule him. As he himself recently said in one of his Wednesday audience:

From the first moment of my election as Successor of Saint Peter, also I have always felt supported by your prayer, by the prayer of the Church, above all in the most difficult moments. I thank you heartily. With constant and confident prayer, the Lord delivers us from the chains, leads us through any night of imprisonment that may torture our heart, grants us the serenity of heart to face the hardships of life, even rejection, opposition, persecution. The episode of Peter shows us the power of prayer. And the Apostle, even if in chains, feels calm, sure that he is never alone: the community is praying for him, the Lord is near; he also knows that "the power of Christ is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor 12, 9). Constant and unanimous prayer is a precious instrument also to overcome the trials that may appear in the path of life, because it means being deeply united to God, which allows us to be also deeply united to others.

Gay Catholics - Mystery of Suffering

When I first started this blog, I did it so as to be able to share my thoughts and feelings as I strove for authenticity. It was not in order to be pious or to be seen as holy in other's eyes. So now it is time for me to come clean...

When I was asking for all your prayers - it was because I was in the process of coming out as a gay catholic. This has been a long an difficult journey for me, but now I am more settled and have matured hence why I am planning to start re blogging again after so long.

I am no longer a practicing Catholic, but I still identify myself as Catholic regardless. Intellectually I am Catholic, but I do not practice my faith formally in receiving the sacraments. I am now actively homosexual (even though I acknowledge it is against the Bible and Church's teaching) however I still uphold and defend the teachings of the Church even if I do not live them myself.

Like all of you - I am struggling with Sin. This is a fact that no one can deny. I do not make any excuses for my sinfulness, it is between myself and God on Judgement Day, the Day of Wrath. I say that I am "struggling with sin" because I know my lifestyle is sinful, yet I still choose to live that way. It has taken me a long time to finally be able to see my homosexuality as God's way to sanctify me, my cross to bear - hence the title of this post "mystery of suffering".

It is hard for me to go to mass anymore as I am unable to receive Holy Communion. Obviously I am aware I am in a state of sin, yet I am not sorry. I do not have CONTRITION for my sins, so how can I confess? To me it would be a sacrilege to confess my sins in order to receive communion when I have no intention to change my lifestyle and be celibate and chaste. It is synonymous to an abortionist who knows they are committing mortal sin yet goes to confession to receive communion, yet they have three abortions already booked in after mass that they plan on performing. It would not be a genuine confession and therefore it would be sacrilegious. That is basically my current situation.

Slowly slowly I am beginning to see my homosexuality as a mystery of suffering - my cross to bear. Not in any pious, saccharine way but in a very real, raw and earthly sense. My lust, my desires, my inclination to sin can either be my cause of damnation or of my salvation! My same sex attraction is not something I can change, nor can I pray it away (i tried that for 8 years previously in and out of seminary). It is a part of my human condition, almost ontological. It makes me who I am. It often frustrates me intensely due to lust and loneliness, and it also alienates me from people. It alienates me from fellow Catholics who see me as not holy enough and not conforming to their ideals. It also alienates me from those in the gay community, as I am a Catholic. In spite of all my many faults - I intensely love the Church and God, and this alienates me from other homosexual people who have a deep hatred of God and the Church due to their perception of being discriminated against and rejected.

So this angst that comes from being a "Gay Catholic", this loneliness - it is a Mystery of Suffering, my Cross to bear. God's special way of sanctifying me in His Divine Providence. As ironic and sadistic as it may seem, it is a gift. A gift that will either save me or damn me, much in the same way as Free Will (the use of).

Please pray for me that I will be open to the Holy Spirit to help me to be Chaste. So that like Christ my "food will be to do the will of the Father" (Jn 4:34)

Update

It has been a very long time since I have updated this blog. A lot has happened in my life in regards to lifestyle etc. A big apology to any readers, thankyou for all your prayers. I plan to start updating this again soon. God Bless you all

The Gaze

There is a saying that says: When you look out into the abyss it looks back at you.

For many people this is a frightening thought, and gives them feelings of uncertainty and even anxiety. But we know that in the face of the Ultimate Mystery, of God, of Reality and Existence, all of us are searching and longing for Meaning and Love - Truth, Goodness, and Beauty.

In the face of existential anxiety we long for a deeper meaning, we are ultimately looking for Intimacy. This Gaze longs to behold the Face of the Other - the Beloved

Let your Face shine on us O Lord and we shall be saved (psalm 80:3)

There is a beautiful song by Celine Dion that I feel captures this sentiment

Laugh and cry,
live and die
Life is a dream we are dreaming
Day by day I find my way
Look for the soul and the meaning

Then you look at me
And I always see
What I have been searching for
I'm lost as can be
Then you look at me
And I am not lost anymore

People run, sun to sun,
Caught in their lives ever flowing
Once begun, life goes till it's gone
We have to go where it's going

Then you look at me
And I always see
What I have been searching for
I'm lost as can be
Then you look at me
And I am not lost anymore

And you say you see
When you look at me
The reason you love life so
Though lost I have been
I find love again
And life just keeps on running
And life just keeps on running
You look at me and life comes from you

Please pray for me

It has been a while since I have posted a blog on here. I am going through a difficult time in my life at the moment and ask you to please pray for me. As you know I believe in being authentic, but for a long time I have been struggling to live authentically and be true to myself and to God.

I am feeling confused at the moment, and even though I am entrusting myself to God's merciful love - I am still struggling. In some ways I feel upset with God for a few different reasons. I have tried so long to do everything I can to prove how much I love Him and want to serve Him, but it never seems to work out. It seems that on every level I have rejected in some way or another by God or the Church. Now I know that God doesn't reject us, especially when we have a humble and contrite heart (psalm 51) but I cannnot deny how I feel. It is a difficult thing to love and serve God when I feel rejected and unloved by Him.

Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD!
O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.

Israel, hope in the LORD!
For with the LORD there is steadfast love,
and with him is plentiful redemption.
And he will redeem Israel
from all his iniquities.

Psalm 130

Lord I believe but help my unbelief,
I love you but help me to love you more and more.

Christians and Vampires

Lately there has been new Vampire craze due to the Twighlight novels and movies. Since I am feeling a little dark and gothic at the moment I thought I would write a little bit about Vampires and Christians.

Ever since Bram Stoker wrote the book Dracula, our image of what Vampires are has drastically changed from how they were originally seen. We tend to see Vampires as almost elegant, noble, sensual and even sexy. However for the Eastern European (Slavic) peoples who we get the legends from and even the word "vampire", they were unhuman - distorted versions of humanity. Originally the word for vampire, witch and werewolf were synonymous with eachother. This meant that the person was seen as unclean, devoid of grace and not really living - but a distortion of humanity. In Russia the Vampire was referred to as a heretic, someone who had rejected the truth of Christianity and now was living-dead.

We can see all this as allegories for us as Christians. Through sin we have lost our true humanity and are doomed to live but not have life within us. We live but spiritually we are dead. We become a sort of "Spiritual Vampire" in the sense that we need to feed on the Body and Blood of Jesus in order to have Eternal Life. The is the sublimity and at the same time earthy glory of the Eucharist. We Catholics believe that when we receive communion that we are not receiving Jesus symbolically, but really and truly present - Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity.

As a result of Original Sin and our own personal sins we have lost our humanity, we have lost grace and now are spiritually dead. So this is why we need to feed on the Life of Jesus who is the true Human. His Blood is His very Life, and it restores our humanity. Without Him we are just animalistic vicious disfigured distortions of who we are created to be.

So in this sense we could then say that Christians are the true Vampires

"We Can Turn to Her, and Our Heart Receives Light and Comfort"

Here is the address Benedict XVI delivered at midday before and after praying the Angelus on the solemnity of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary, together with the pilgrims gathered in St. Peter's Square.

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Dear Brothers and Sisters!

The 8th of December we celebrate one of the most beautiful feasts of the Blessed Virgin Mary: the Solemnity of her Immaculate Conception. But what does it mean that Mary is the "Immaculate"? And what does this title tell to us?

First of all we refer to the biblical texts of today's liturgy, especially the great "fresco" of the third chapter of the Book of Genesis and the account of the Annunciation of the Gospel of Luke. After original sin, God turned to the serpent, which represents Satan, he curses him and adds a promise: "I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel" (Genesis 3:15).

It is the proclamation of revenge: Satan at the beginning of creation seems to have the upper hand, but the son of a woman will come who will crush his head. Thus, through the woman's offspring, God himself will triumph. That woman is the Virgin Mary, from whom was born Jesus Christ who, with his sacrifice, has defeated once and for all the ancient tempter. Because of this, in so many painting and statues of the Immaculate, she is represented in the act of crushing a serpent under her foot.

The evangelist Luke, instead, shows us the Virgin Mary who receives the annunciation of the heavenly messenger (cf. Luke 1:26-38). She appears as the humble and authentic daughter of Israel, true Zion in whom God wishes to make his dwelling. She is the young plant from which the Messiah must be born, the just and merciful King.

In the simplicity of the home of Nazareth lives Israel's pure remnant from which God wishes to have his people be born again, as a new tree that will extend its branches in the whole world, offering all men good fruits of salvation. As opposed to Adam and Eve, Mary remains obedient to the Lord's will, with her whole self she pronounces her "yes" and places herself fully at the disposition of the divine plan. She is the new Eve, true "mother of all the living" -- that is, of all those who by faith in Christ receive eternal life.

Dear friends, what immense joy to have Mary Immaculate as Mother! Every time we experience our frailty and the suggestion of evil, we can turn to her, and our heart receives light and comfort.

Also in life's trials, in the storms that make faith and hope vacillate, we think that we are her children and that the roots of our existence sink in the infinite grace of God. The Church herself, even if exposed to the negative influences of the world, always finds in her the star to direct and follow the route indicated by Christ.

Mary is in fact the Mother of the Church, as Pope Paul VI and Vatican Council II solemnly proclaimed. While, therefore, we render thanks to God for this wonderful sign of his goodness, we entrust to the Immaculate Virgin each one of us, our families and the community, the whole Church and the entire world.

Pilgrimage of Faith

Where are you leading me to and
Whom are you taking
me to, My Consoler?
Why do you lead me as one blind,
along ways that I know not,
and how is it that you make the
crooked paths before me straight?
What is this Pilgrimage of Faith
and where is its destination?

Confused in this wilderness,
lost in the dark desert -
where to now?
Why have you abandoned me
in the Silent Mystery of Solitude?
I search and thirst for meaning
in the aridity of my soul,
but nothing satisfies me.

Deeper and deeper I wander
searching for Truth,
longing for someone who will
be able to quench my thirst.
Desperate and vulnerable in my
Sheer Naked Desire,
I finally let go of everything
and abandon myself in Unknowing.

Here in the humility of Nothingness,
I suddenly pierce through the
overwhelming Melancholy of Illusion,
and my senses become flooded with Divine Light.
Purified and illuminated I have entered
into the Chamber of Transformative Union.

Here in the cavernous depths of Being,
enlightened by the Splendour of Love
I have discovered the True Fountain
of Living Water.
Overwhelmed by the anxiety of uncertainty,
I approach the pristine waters of consolation.
Gazing upon the Sparkling Brilliance,
I catch a glimpse of the Spirit
hovering over the River of Re-Creation.

Unable to resist the lure any longer,
I plunge myself into the unfathomable depths.
Immersed in this torrent of pleasure
and tasting the Sweetness of Presence,
I delve deeper and deeper into
the overflowing and outporing
Mystery of Infinite Encounter -
with the One who is the Omega Point.
The Source, Summit and Peak
of humanity in its progress towards
final and Everlasting Destination.

Methodius 10/1/2006